The word forgive in the New Testament is usually written using two Greek words. Strong’s Concordance entry 863 ἀφίημι (aphiemi) comes from two Greek root words. Word Origin: From ἀπό (apo, meaning “off”) and ἵημι (hiemi, meaning “to send” or “to let go”). With the proper interpretation, this word means to ‘off put’ or ‘to not send’ or ‘to not give’: forgive. A more subtle form of forgive as in ‘to release’.
Strong’s Concordance entry 868 ἀφίστημι (aphistemi) comes also from two Greek root words. Word Origin: From ἀπό (apo, meaning “from”) and ἵστημι (histemi, meaning “to stand”); a stronger form of forgive as in ‘to withdraw’.
The first version is used 10 times more often in the New Testament.
To forgive is an action. Not a feeling. It was originally meant in the context of holding back punishment to those who took something from you or caused you harm and deserved retribution. Jesus’ teaching was revolutionary in so many ways, but one striking thing he is noted for is twisting the literal interpretations of the Pharisees and Sadducees into figurative interpretations. As Jesus did with so many concepts in the natural realm, He also applied them to the spiritual realm, and turned the meaning of forgiveness from something observable to something more related to the heart, exemplified by the Lord’s Prayer and explained in the book of Matthew.
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ~Matthew 6:9-15
So we can see that it is necessary to forgive, as illustrated above. But HOW Christians forgive is not explained above. Biblical scripture all works together in bits and pieces (or jots and tittles 🙂 ) to teach us everything we need to know to love God and love our neighbor; in essence to please God. Our scripture is sufficient. But to get the full meaning, we must study all the words in the bible to put it all together. That is what systematic theology does. One section of verses might tell us one thing, while another fleshes out the story. That is the case with forgiveness, and how to forgive. Each verse is not necessarily exhaustive, but it might be. In the Lord’s Prayer Jesus tells us we must forgive, and why we must forgive, but He doesn’t tell us in this particular passage how to forgive. That is brought to us by Jesus through Luke, who travelled with the Apostle Paul as in the passage below:
Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” ~Luke 17:1-4
So HOW Christians forgive one another, is to off-send or off-cast or for-give an offense done to you after the person repents.
Forgiveness is an act of mercy for the person who sins against you, not a thought-experiment for you to feel better.
If God is our example for everything, we should ask, “How does God forgive us?” Does He just forgive us instantly when we sin? NO! We must repent to Him first, then he will forgive us: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ~1 John 1:9 “Therefore, repent and turn to God, so that your sins may be erased…~Acts 3:19
As with everything in the world (which is run by the devil) he flips the script and people–especially Christians–walk around with the wrong concept of what forgiveness means. Most would say that forgiveness is something that only needs to happen in the heart, that it is an act of thought or willfulness that you will not harbor ill will toward someone who has wronged you. This is accurate but is only half of the story. The most important part of forgiveness is left out of this equation. The bible teaches clearly that if you are the one who was sinned against, you are to go to your brethren and tell him his fault between you and he alone. See below:
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ~Matthew 18:15
We are commanded to do this. If he or she will not listen to you, then you are to go seek one or two other folks who can go with you to make your case against them. This is important because the most important thing for our well-being as Christians is for a sinner to repent of his sin unto God first and foremost! Otherwise, to remain in unrepentant sin is a very bad thing: But because of your hard and unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of wrath, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. ~Romans 2:5
Against You only have I sinned and done evil in Your sight; that you may be found just when You speak and blameless when You judge.
The devil is duping Christians into a false understanding of forgiveness, so that we are not helping our brethren to get right with God by pointing out their sin. If we only pray and think about forgiving someone who has hurt us and we do not go to that person and tell him/her sin against us, we are actually sinning against God and our neighbor, because we are not doing what the scriptures command us to do. Ironic, isn’t it?
Now, if we are never approached by our sinful brethren when they sin against us, or if they refuse to repent to us for their wrongdoing when we confront them, we are still commanded to not harbor hate in our hearts. But this is a constant commandment from Jesus, for he who hates his brother in his heart has already committed murder against him. How do we do this? How do we not harbor hatred against those who have sinned against us? We use our armor given to us by God. We use our shield of faith with which we quench all the fiery darts of the wicked ones, because our battle is not with flesh and blood anyway. We use our feet to spread the gospel of peace. We have our helmet on which provides salvation for us. We overcome hate with love:
Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you; and pray for those who spitefully use you. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Christians do not need a thought-experiment in their secret place to ‘forgive’ their perpetrators. Jesus has already told us how to conduct ourselves as Christians.
The other way we deal with forgiveness is when we ourselves sin against another. Again, Jesus and the entire bible tells us clearly how to navigate this. You simply repent and ask for forgiveness. But that isn’t the end of the story. God does call Christians to a higher level of communion with each other than we would have with those in the world, or unbelievers. He discusses this in some passages where He also shows how Christians should differ in their heart from the orthodox Jews of the time.
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. ~Matthew 5:23-24
The Greek word here for ‘against you’ means intense opposition. This could mean an enemy, or it could mean just that person with whom you give a wide berth to. Jesus is showing that Christians should not have fences around themselves but should be loving one another and living in communion with one another. That is the ideal way Christians should live. God doesn’t want us making offerings to Him (to love Him) when we are not getting along and loving each other the way He wants us to.
In SUMMARY:
You sin > Ask for forgiveness
Your brethren sins > Go and tell him his fault; convict him of his sin, taking as many witnesses as needed to help him repent and turn. If he repents, then forgive him as often as he repents.
Either way, do not harbor malice in your heart against anyone. Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
~Selah
~Song of Mary~ 