I am reminded by Jesus that God cares most about what is inside me than what is outside me. Specifically in the way that I love Him and love my neighbor. This is sort-of hard to grasp because we usually think the meat of love is the expression of love, because after all, in biblical economy love is an action.
But as in mobius fashion, the ways of God are not always that easy to grasp. This is what is at the heart of the Mary and Martha story. Mary wanted to serve and love God first, and learn from Jesus by sitting at his feet, and that appeared selfish. Martha wanted to serve others first, by cooking and serving, and that was expected and acceptable by society standards. Not only did Jesus clarify that loving God over your neighbor comes first, but one’s heart-felt gentle expression of love is more important than working yourself to the bone doing what is expected. Remember that Martha loved Jesus too.
Expectation comes in many forms. Social mores “are preferred and socially sanctioned ways of behaving in any given society. Mores are the traditional customs and codes of behavior that are typically followed in a place or in a group but are not codified by law. In other words, mores are the unwritten rules of social behavior, backed by morality“. Mores are the unwritten expectations each culture or group places on a person in that group. Mores are a psychological term that represents a culture’s morality. It’s fundamentally a religion for the secular. And this can even creep into the Christian church. We just call it ‘legalism’. Christians already have a code of ethics given to us by God Himself and it is contained in the bible, and is sufficient.
As human beings, we are always judging and comparing others and their aura as it relates to us. Our brains scan and conduct micro-calculations below the surface of our awareness all the time. We note when people behave differently or outside what we are used to and we develop expectations for behavior this way. As we grow older, these expectations become more cemented in our mind. It is easy for us to become ‘close-minded’. That is why children and youth are more ‘easy going’ because these ideologies are not yet as fixed in their minds. Older folks scoff at the whimsicality of youth and think they ‘don’t know any better’ or ‘they will learn’. But Jesus warns about this when He says:
Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. ~Matthew 18:3
As with many, the full import of this verse did not register with me before, but now it does. Jesus wants us to be as children and youth in that they have not allowed rigid expectations to guide their thinking; they are simple-minded and single-minded in their approach to what they want. And what all Christians should want the most is a close, loving relationship with God. Not serving our neighbor and our neighbor’s expectations–or society’s mores–first, but Him first.
Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom!
‘These people draw near to Me with their mouth,
And honor Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me.
And in vain they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ ~Matthew 15:8-9
Oh, how often have we gone astray, even as believers, because we obey the doctrines of man (mores) over God’s commandments! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too. (Matthew 23:26) The more I study and learn about the real God, the more I realize it is what is in the heart of man that matters first and foremost, followed by the outward action, because the action flows from the heart. No matter our intentions, or even our good deeds, if our heart harbors darkness, no light can issue forth from us. That is why He is most concerned about our inner selves, our heart, and our mind, because these affect our soul, and ultimately our very ability to love.
“But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” ~1 Samuel 16:7
We must have grace for others because only God can see into the true essence, or heart, of another. Once our heart is aligned and in love with God, then we can love our neighbor as we should. And this will be a lifelong process, which is called sanctification. This is why grace is so important. Grace is what replaces legalistic expectations of others in our mind, to keep us young in the Lord. We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God and we have different sins that might plague us. We are called to exhort and gently rebuke each brother and sister to keep the biblical standard, but this must come from a soft place in our heart that has no condemnation.
For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. ~Romans 2:1
As soon as we judge others out of our rigid mores, we will be judged, for with the same judgment you pronounce, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. ~Matthew 7:2
God calls us to love as children do, completely and without expectation and judgment. ❤
~Song of Mary~ 