Laying Midwifery to Rest and Working as a Nurse

July 6, 2019

God made it abundantly clear almost two years ago now that it was time for midwifery to stop (at least momentarily), and time for me to find a new job.  I got hired right away in one of the few jobs I am well-suited for:  home health nursing.  I love my work.  I love my boss and my department, and am blessed to have been hired into a position whereby I am only contracted to work 32 hours per week.  I can work more, but do not have to.  That 8 hours per week of down time makes a big difference in being a homemaker and mother to my 10 year old son.

However, I am also feeling the call to go back to school to become a Family Nurse Practitioner, and hopefully to follow that up with my Doctorate of Nursing Practice.  I am made for diagnosing and treating people, for identifying what ails them and helping them heal in a higher way than I am able to as a nurse.  I am thankful to be gaining this invaluable experience as a nurse and I see a lot of conditions that I knew little of before.  I believe it is all part of God’s plan for my life.  I do not know when I will finally become an FNP/DNP or where I will work, but I know God knows, and I am happy to rely on Him to reveal it to me in His time.

~Selah

Long Homebirth in the Country

I recently attended a beautiful homebirth out in the countryside of Montana.  They gave me a cozy little nook in their log home to rest and live for that long day.  And I honestly felt more like I was on a retreat than at work.

She was a second-time mom and her water broke at 2am.  I left pretty soon to go to her home because when the water breaks sometimes delivery can commence very rapidly.  However, with her labor this was not the case, and she proceeded to contract all day with no pain and very slow progress.  I sensed she was waiting for her 4 year old son’s bedtime to come around, so she could feel more free to deliver without those daily distractions that can occur with an awake child.  At 10pm I suggested she begin nipple stimulation, so as dad put the boy down for bed, she disappeared to the bathroom to do so.  Within the hour she was having harder surges and so she continued bringing about the birth of her baby.

Since nipple stimulation causes oxytocin to be released, it can work on the uterus to elicit harder, more efficient contractions.  Pitocin is the man-made form of oxytocin, made from horse urine (or pig semen).  If we had transported to the hospital, that is what she would have received in an IV.  As it was, as long as she continued massaging her nipples, she augmented her own labor effectively.  By 1:30 am, she was nearing complete dilatation, illustrated by that first involuntary pushing sound which finally issued forth around 1:40.  I never once checked her cervix in that 24 hours so as not to cause a uterine infection (since the protective bag of fluid was gone), but we could tell by her aura that she was progressing.  By 2:01 am, her new baby was born into a loving circle of hands:  hers, dad’s, and mine.  Thank you, Jesus, for answering my prayers, and, God, for putting us together.  ❤

The Gear of a Homebirth Midwife

3/18/17

Submission in Birth

3/5/2017

God places over us people under Him in order to help us, at various times in our lives.  In the Book of Romans, Chapter 13, it speaks to this, although much is lost in all the published translations.  These ‘authorities’ are not necessarily civil servants or government officials; but anyone whom God puts over us in any given time, for any given reason.  Maybe it is someone we hire as a specialist, maybe it is someone we elect to govern us, or maybe it is a teacher.  But in all these cases, to be fruitful in Christ, it is necessary to submit to their specific role over us.

“Let every spirit obey the Supreme influence (authority/control), for there is no influence (authority/control) except from God; but the influence (authority/control) that exist have been ordained by God.  So that the one resisting influence (authority/control) has opposed the ordinance of God; and the ones opposing will receive judgment to themselves.”  ~Romans 13:1-2 

It occurred to me during a labor last night, that God has indeed placed me as an influence, authority, or control over those women who seek out my care.  I have been divinely placed by Him for these women.

When those same women defy my authority over them during their pregnancy, labor, birth, or postpartum period, I detest it and am filled with quiet frustration at them!  I now realize this is righteous indignation because they are defying God Himself Who is trying to work through me to help them.  It isn’t that I know everything.  I am constantly tweaking and evolving in my work and approach to each woman.  The Lord knows I am open to reproach and instruction in my work.  I make mistakes and I usually learn from them, and it is often a painful process.

But being a midwife, mother, and sometimes even friend means that we have been placed by God ‘over’ that person, to control them in a way, and to influence them.  It is not really an egalitarian relationship, though the world would have us believe this is so.  I am sent as a midwife because I have specialty knowledge and skills that the person needs.  When that same person decides in critical moments (not regular moments so much) to disobey what I tell them, they are in disobedience not so much to me, but to God Himself.  How does God help us?  By sending His workers and messengers!  If we do not listen to His messengers, it is like not listening to God.  And that is frustrating for the messenger!

Fortunately, God knows the heart of humans and understands that they are stubborn.  So He gives them numerous chances.  Often He allows me to intercede on their behalf for a successful outcome even in the face of disobedience, but not always.  I suppose it is because He knows what is in their heart, and their personal struggle; whether it is a deep-seated problem or whether it is just contrariness.  And He knows the exact method to employ for the working of what He desires in each person, even if that fulfillment won’t come to fruition for years to come!

I have clients now and then who blatantly disobey my advice in intense, labor-changing moments, and it disappoints me and even angers me a bit.  Most clients willingly submit to my authority as their midwife, and that is normal.  But sometimes, clients come with invisible issues that only surface during the intensity of labor and delivery.  It is in those moments that their true identity is shown, and those things that plague them.  Sometimes it seems like they just cannot submit.

I have come to believe that those women who cannot handle the pain of labor, even though they want a natural birth really badly, have likely been the victim of sexual immorality when a child.  They often have a ‘princess’ mentality, as if they are on a pedestal.  And they absolutely refuse to submit to the pain of labor in its darkest moments, opting instead for numbing medications.  I have seen women punch the air, angrily shake their heads or bodies ‘no’, whine, complain, and be demanding to everyone around them in these moments.  They are like a petulant child who refuses to listen.

Of course it is understandable in the face of childhood trauma for them to react this way. And yet, I am there for a reason.  God must know that they could overcome this blocked part of self if they wanted to.  And this is how we know He is a good God, because He wants us to grow and prosper in our spirits.  And this is how we know He is a God Who allows us our free will, because we can refuse to be influenced.  Some choose to submit in those moments, but most choose to resist.

This refusal to submit to those placed in our life to influence us is a sin.  Just as when a wife will not submit to her husband.  It is my belief that the translators of the Bible just did not understand this key concept about how God works, as Saint Paul did.  Students who refuse to submit to their teachers, as well as an administration who support students at the cost of teachers, are an affront.  Children who refuse to submit to their parents are an affront, and should be beaten with a rod lest their soul be sent to Sheol.  I have often been puzzled over why God is so heavy-handed with children who will not obey, but it must be because the idea of submission is paramount for being perfected in Christ.  Citizens who refuse to submit to the influence of governing officials are an affront.

Once an influential relationship exists between two people, it has been ordained by God.  To resist that influence is to sin.

Hypnobirthing is Humanism

1/19/2017

A new-or perhaps recycled-phenomenon is taking the birth world by storm and it is called ‘hypnobirthing’.  I say recycled because it reminds me of the first hippy births done in the 70’s, made popular by the tome Spiritual Midwifery written by Ina May Gaskin who founded the infamous Farm in Tennessee.  In her book Ina May refers to labor pains, or contractions, as ‘rushes’ because she felt that it was better to give the pain of labor a positive spin.  Adherents of natural home birth, the women of the Farm showed America that women could not only have their babies at home with midwives, but that it could be a safe and glorious experience.

All that is well and good.  Since the turn of the century, the medical establishment has laid claim to all birth, high and low risk women combined, and convinced people that birthing at home with midwives is not only a dirty and dangerous prospect, but a painful one as well.  Why suffer and possibly die under the hands of untrained midwives when you could have sterile hospital birth with doctors and anesthesia?  American women became hoodwinked and acquiesced, making homebirth and midwives practically nil by the 1950’s, when it became ‘normal’ for parturients to deliver with alcohol IV’s and narcotics in a delivery room devoid of husbands, to be separated from their baby at the time of birth, and to bottle feed.  This all was considered progress in the medical birth world.

The backlash against the medical establishment controlling birth essentially began in the 1960’s and has gained steady, if slow, ground to this day.  Only about 3% of women choose out of hospital birth at this time, and that is one of the higher estimates.  Within this minority there exists a rather bi-polar faction of women:  Christians and non-Christians.

The Christian faction predominantly has home birth because they have more faith in God than the medical establishment.  These women by and large also shun anything ‘eastern’ like yoga and ‘meditation’.  The funky idea of hypnobirthing seems foreign and involves too much thought-bending for them to be interested in it.  In short, hypnobirthing is not on their radar at all.

The non-Christian faction believes, like Ina May, that birth is a state of mind and that pain-free birth is not only possible, but available to anyone who prepares their mind properly.  To allow any negative thoughts in will allow for a negative birth experience.  Negative thoughts can be triggered by birth words such as ‘labor’, ‘contraction’, ‘pain’, ‘work’, and any other lingo associated with the medical facts of birth.  Instead of viewing birth as a science, hypnobirthing ideology wants women to view birth as an art that their body is perfectly made for, and that if they do it right, they will be rewarded with a masterpiece.

This is familiar and there is nothing new under the sun.  Most, if not all, innovations in natural birth usually involve a certain technique which needs to be applied for that perfect birth.  In the 70’s the women of The Farm ensured a pain-free birth by not only changing the lingo of labor and delivery, but by employing transcendental meditation and marijuana.  The women of the 80’s seized upon the Lamaze technique to ensure a perfect pain-free birth which emphasized certain breathing techniques and a focal point.  Dr. Leboyer developed the idea of gentle delivery with water immersion.  And Dr. Dick-Read pushed for natural birth methods which involved having family present.

Hypnobirthing is the new trend coming on the scene here in the twentyteens.  Rather confusing to understand, it is recommended that one goes through a course to become fluent in this methodology.  Most courses cost money and grant certification.  Of course, many youtube videos and literature are free for viewing.  Persevering through the fog in order to understand its particular branding, hypnobirthing at its heart involves altering your state of mind so that nothing is allowed into your mind but the possibility of a wonderful birth.  One must surround oneself with an environment of positive energy and the aura must be fully condusive to the birthing woman’s mindset.  If she thinks it, she will believe it; and if she believes it, it will happen.  Lights, pretty pictures, a beautiful birthing pool, low or no voices, and minimal intrusion into this atmosphere is key.  Phrases in the form of positive affirmations are encouraged and words having anything to do with medical lingo are discouraged, because these can affect the woman’s internal environment and trigger her.

Having been an out of hospital midwife for over twenty years, I have developed my own style which incorporates most of the aforementioned birth techniques.  Really, most of these techniques are intuitive for those of us called to be midwives.  Quiet, affirming voices; a soft reassuring hand; a firm massage to the back; a nurturing environment; promotion of the mother-baby bond; and warm water are all ideal parts of having a wonderful birth experience no matter what the setting is, and independent of the era in which the woman lives.   But because hypnobirthing is so reliant on the environment and mindset of the mother, it seeks to go a step further and tries to control everyone else in the room.

Because the mother might become triggered.

Does this sound familiar?  I recall the riots of mobsters still angry about President Trump winning the recent election over corrupt Hilary Clinton, who are triggered at seeing anything regarding Trump, and who use it as an excuse to lash out at everyone else. College students used it as an excuse to play with play dough and ponies in safe spaces and forego taking exams.  The current modus operandi of humans seems to be that the responsibility for personal well-being is displaced from the individual to the group at large.  It is reasonable in today’s social climate to lay blame for one’s actions and outcomes on others’ expressions!  There is a lack of owning one’s own issues and problems and actions to displacing them upon the outside group, or environment.  An ‘It’s not my fault, you made me do it’ mentality that reeks of deception and blame.

So in an effort to feel better or have a better outcome (a perfect birth in this case), the subject must work harder to control their environment, so as not to be triggered or to feel bad.  In the Hypnobirthing Technique this way of being is inherent in its fundamental ideology, bringing this mentality more than ever into the natural birth world.  The hippies smoked their pot and did not care as much what everyone around them said, but according to hypnobirthing, and in a time when out of hospital birth is free from drug usage, becoming triggered must be guarded against at all costs.  Otherwise one might lose their essential and necessary grasp on unreality and the belief in a pain-free and perfect birth.

A client of mine who struggles with anxiety recently sent me a link to a hypnobirthing website that related to me, the midwife professional, what I could and could not say in the realm of caring for this woman.  It was not even presented as an option for me to use hypnobirthing lingo, it was mandated.  The American birth world is not immune to dealing with women who feel entitled, meaning they feel they deserve to have a wonderful birth and anyone or anything who intentionally or unintentionally keeps them from that is at fault.  There is a sense in the group of women who feel entitled that they believe they can demand a certain thing and that they should receive it, no matter what, and if they do not, they will blame others for not receiving it.  This is completely understandable in a time when women are not listened to, not given informed consent mandated by law, and scared into unnecessary cesarean sections at outrageous rates.  But when women cross over into manipulating others’ behaviors in order to be served, it becomes a problem.

By and far it is non-Christian women who seem to be the demographic who cling to hypnobirthing.  This is as mysterious as the link between Conservative and Christian, and Liberal and Atheist, and just as correlated.  But perhaps it is not a mystery at all.  The Bible says throughout its pages that Jesus Christ is the Truth and unless you know Him you will not know the Truth.  Christians therefore understand that Conservative values are right and liberal values are wrong.  In hypnobirthing, non-Christian women must put their faith in something and since they do not know God, they make an idol of the mind and this is part and parcel a concept of Humanism [an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters].  This reminds me of the Bible verse that says:

And so it may not happen that a person when cursed, blesses himself instead, saying, “I shall have peace, even though I walk in the imagination of my heart.”  ~Deuteronomy 29:19

Hypnobirthing is essentially a state of imagination.  Interestingly, it does seem to magically work.  The mind is an amazing organ which God has blessed upon men and women, and is the primary characteristic that differentiates us from other created beings.  I appreciate women using their minds to help them have a nice birth experience.  What I do not agree with is the idea that anyone who imagines it will have a nice birth, and that women have a right to demand those present to forego their own freedom of speech in order to obtain it.

Although I am trying to appease my client, I get the feeling anytime I use the word ‘labor’ or ‘contraction’ during a prenatal visit or birth class, she places a mental black mark against me.  I believe in giving clients what they need to feel safe and trustful in me and my care, but asking me to change the very language I have always used as a successful midwife, is like asking a southerner to immediately drop their accent!  It is nigh on impossible, and I also resent having to do so.  My heart is not in it, and I resent the pagan notion that ‘if you can imagine it, you can do it’ which is a mindset that extends all the way back to the people who built the Tower of Babel.

God is the One who blesses people with easy, happy, pain-free births.  To obtain that solely from the mind of a human is not only an attempt to make our minds an idol, but it goes against God’s first punishment of women handed down when Eve lusted after forbidden fruit when tempted by the serpent.  Almighty God tells her:

I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children…  ~Genesis 3:16

‘Sorrow’ in the Hebrew also means labor.  Women should understand that to labor and to have pain in childbirth is prescribed by God!  To believe otherwise is a sin because it would mean going against the word of God and what He has decided we must endure.

Women may pray for a miraculous pain-free birth, but we should not expect it.

Hypnobirthing therefore teaches a lie, and mandates that everyone be involved in that lie.  It is not enough that a woman believes in the hypnobirthing lie herself and makes her own mind an idol, we must also worship her mind by using words that elevate and placate her mind, like making an offering to an idol.

Midwives who see this problem might find themselves cast-out of natural birth circles, and even persecuted for not buying into this lie.  But we will rejoice because to be persecuted in the name of Jesus is a blessing!  May all midwives, myself included, call out the Truth which is that Hypnobirthing at its heart is idolatry of the mind.

Moms Catching

I attended a beautiful homebirth on this cold and snowy day in Montana.  This mom delivered soon after this picture was taken,and pulled her own baby up on to her belly.  It was a joy to see this momma crying with tears of joy and rapture in the hardest part of her labor.  She later told me she had felt closer to Jesus in that moment than ever before.  She was overcome with the overwhelming gift of life He had blessed her family with, still yet to be born…

Thank you, Jesus, for being with us today and making this a safe and successful birth~

Dads Catching

My goal as a midwife is to empower the parents to take charge of as much of their birth as they desire, or feel led to.  It’s fun to see them deliver their own baby, and the quiet pride that comes with it.

Testimonial from a Friend

In the summer of 2013, with tears of joy, excitement, and panic, I shared with my husband the news that we would be parents. We figured sometime in June we would welcome our first child.

I went into action researching our options for the birth. I thought my only two options were the hospital or a home birth. For me, they were two very big extremes. Was there not a middle ground somewhere? I wanted, most of all, safety for my new baby, but I also wanted to enjoy this new experience and a care provider I could trust. At this point I was leaning towards a natural birth. My exposure to the experiences of friends, family, and acquaintances involved hospital births that had a predictable line of events: find an OB/GYN, go to impersonal, short checkups, get induced, get an epidural, get a C-section or have one threatened, deliver baby, get sent home – lots and lots of money later. Let me say now that I am not placing judgement on families who choose a hospital birth, and I also know that hospital births are sometimes unavoidable because of a variety of circumstances. I am also thankful for the knowledge of trained hospital personnel; without procedures like C-sections, my sister-in-law and niece would not be here.  I support every family making educated decisions based on their own needs. After much prayer, research, and about a million birth-story videos later, I decided to use a midwife.

Now, which midwife? In a hospital? A home birth? To be honest, my husband was not keen on a home birth. I think the distance we were from town unnerved him a bit. The other option was a midwife in a hospital. I called around, interviewed a midwife that worked with a local hospital and was still surprised at the cost. You mean I still have to pay for the doctor? Even if he isn’t needed? And the hospital room fee? All this was charged on top of the midwife fee, which in and of itself was reasonable. The projected cost was too steep for a young couple without health insurance… Now we were at a crossroads again, and there was that same question: Is there not a middle ground? Is there a place where I may have a natural birth that won’t cost a small fortune? I was a bit discouraged, but went home and hit the internet again. That’s when I found the midwife practice.  At the time, they had three midwives. I set up an interview with one of them, and she answered all of our questions.

My husband liked the “waiting room” designed for friends and family to stay and for dad to get a break. It had a big couch and a nice coffee bar area. I liked the cozy appointment rooms with real beds for exams. The birth room was also a very big plus. It was a huge room with a bed, couch, walk-in shower, and big birthing tub. My midwife was very friendly and informative and let the appointment go as long as we needed – not to mention gave us the very affordable price that included all the appointments and not just labor and delivery. We went home with a great first impression.  My appointments were scheduled to be one hour long, which gave Rick and me plenty of time to relish the sounds of the heartbeat and to receive updates on our little baby. My midwife was always a warm and encouraging presence. My pregnancy went pretty normally until some unexpected preterm labor symptoms popped up, and I had to be put on bed rest. This was very difficult, not only physically, but emotionally. My midwife drove all the way out to to my home for a couple of our appointments so that I wouldn’t be disturbed with the drive, and was always patient with me and my one thousand questions and phone calls.

My deadline of 36-plus weeks arrived, and I was on my feet at last. A week and a half later I went into labor. I woke up Rick by yelling “The baby is coming!” By that point, I was in late labor. Needless to say, we rushed to the midwife. When we arrived I was having pretty heavy contractions with pushing and was being very vocal. Poor Rick!

My midwife met us in the parking lot and was such a reassuring presence. She was so composed and told Rick where to take me and lay me down. She talked me through the pushing and kept me calm. A mere eighteen minutes later, our daughter was born. Any parent can relate to the joy and surge of emotion that comes when meeting your firstborn. I rested in a big cozy bed and snuggled with our baby girl while she and the attending midwife took care of everything. They did the laundry, brought us lunch, watched the baby while I took a shower, and did all of the measuring and weighing on the bed. She helped me with breastfeeding issues until all was figured out, and let us stay to recoup as long as we needed. Later that day we went home, a new little family. My midwife called and made sure we were all doing well and encouraged us to call any time we needed anything or had any questions. As new parents, that was a big comfort.

A little less than a year and half later, we called her with the news that our family was going to be growing. The appointments and visits were just as pleasant as before, and our little daughter got to help as she listened to the new family member’s heartbeat and measured mama’s belly. We not only had a midwife, but a dear friend. Same old story happened with the bed rest, but this time I was determined to labor at the birth center, and I also wanted to use that big birthing tub. This time, I recognized the early labor and called my midwife. We went in and I labored by walking around the birthing room talking to her, the apprentice, and the attending midwife.

Eventually, my midwife recognized that if I wanted a water birth, I better go ahead and get in the tub. She was right. With the next contraction my body was pushing. She was her same composed, encouraging self and kept me calm through it all. The other midwife and apprentice were also very helpful. Fifteen minutes later our son was born. My midwife prayed with us and for our new son and asked God to bless our little family. For us, as Christians, that was a priceless moment we will never forget. The same wonderful experience of having our cares and needs met after the delivery was the same. I was visited by both of the other birth center midwives at some point during the after care and both of them, even though they were not my personal midwife, were so helpful and treated me as if I was their own client.

I know that for us, if the Lord wills it, we will have all of our children with her.  To have your baby in an environment that is peaceful and encouraging, where you are allowed to move and do as you please during labor, is indescribable.  Altogether, the midwives have about 75 years’ experience. I know that all the midwives see their profession not as work, but as a ministry to those they serve. They all truly care about women and families. They are there to serve you and your needs~