Man and his Wife

And the Lord GOD called, “It is not good that the man is separated from his feminine equal, and a helper to be a mate.”

And the Lord GOD formed from the ground every living thing of the land, and every living bird of the heavens, and brought them to the man to see what he would proclaim their name to be.

And the man proclaimed all which were breathing and alive with their name; he proclaimed names to all cattle and to all the birds of the heavens, and to every living thing of the land.

But to Adam there was not found a helper to be a mate.

And the Lord GOD caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept, and Yahweh took one rib from his ribs and closed the flesh beneath.

And the Lord GOD made from the rib which had been taken from Adam a woman, and brought her to the man and called the man, “This at last is a body from my body, and flesh from my flesh.  For this I proclaim ‘Woman’ because from man she has been taken.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And they were both nude, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed.

I have explored the subject of monogamy from nearly every angle imaginable.  Experiencing the parameters of relationship was an intense interest of mine while I was still married.  I even seriously considered going back to school to study anthropology as it applies to human intimacy such was my obsession with this subject.

I succeeded at monogamy for about 22 years, so I know a bit about it; the high points and the low.  The bliss and the brokenness.  I dabbled in polyamory for many years, mostly in my mind, but occasionally in my flesh as well.  I found this dynamic to be my preferred one.  More love was euphoric, why settle for just one love?

I have contemplated, philosophized, debated, meditated, and imagined the realm of relationships possible in life and lived most of them out, from ascetic to swinger.  I have blogged-and deleted-posts of emphatic feeling one way or the other depending on my perspective at any given time.  I swing this way and I swing that way (pun intended).  And I acknowledge that it is a very complex issue, this one of human intimacy and sexual loving.  Perhaps the most difficult one we face in our tenure here on earth.

I know from intense research that the Bible does not make polygyny a sin, which means one man can marry more than one woman, and which much of the world still practices today.  It makes sense also practically for a man to take care of more than one woman, and for women to be co-wives; women and men both are suited to this, and children can benefit as well in certain situations.  That it is not expressly forbidden in the Torah is profound, and meaningful.

Beyond the law however, when we look to the stories of the Bible, it is clear that in every case of polygyny, even in the most blessed sons of God, like Abraham, families and their future seed suffered negative consequences from being married to more than one wife.  Often in the Bible the children of different mothers aggrieve each other, war with each other, and murder each other out of maleficence born from their familial birthright or lack thereof.  This is a grave teaching from God through His prophets for us with eyes to see and ears to hear.  Indeed the first example of polygyny was in Lamech, seven generations from Adam, the man who was noteworthy for vengeance and bloodthirstiness.  And no matter how noble and honorable the patriarchs Abraham and Jacob (Israel) were, their practice of polygyny caused serious problems in their people which even extends into our modern world!

Polygamy is not a sin, and even though more love seems like a good idea, and man in his flesh might be hardwired for this.  From the very beginning, a couple of key points are unmistakably monogamous.  God takes one rib from Adam and closed the flesh beneath.  One rib equals one woman.  Closing the flesh implies it is done.  Then the man and woman become one flesh.  If they become one flesh, they essentially become joined physically and psychically to the point cleaving apart would cause much destruction and pain.

This is God’s ideal state for man and woman.  A bit further into the creation story God also makes man in His image, male and female He makes them.  But I also know that God can manifest Himself in a myriad of forms and ways, and He has unlimited names for Himself.  In this way, man could make himself fit more than one woman, easily as well, as he is made in the image of God.

The Apostle Paul is clear on this subject regarding bishops in the early church:

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; ³ not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; ⁴ one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence ⁵ (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?); ⁶ not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.  ~1 Timothy 3:2-6

Overall, it requires the Holy Spirit moving in man for each man to know the path God has in mind for him.  Monogamy is not for everyone, and neither is polygamy.  It is almost certain that while not a sin, polygamy will cause familial pain and strife.  Finally, pastors and church leaders are called to be monogamous, at the very least.

~selah